Day 20: Being Early

I didn’t write yesterday. Did you notice? I was going to late at night but chose sleep instead. Ironically, what I was going to write about was being early for things versus constantly late. I’m noticing (and people are pointing out to me) that I’m getting into this pattern of being late. I’m not allowing enough time to commute, I’m arriving late and I’m always feeling rushed. I’ve described my life to people as ‘in transit’ because I always feel like I’m moving.

What’s most ironic is that as a child I hated when my family was late for functions. And we often were. You don’t walk in as the doctor’s family of 6 in small town Saskatchewan and not be noticed. It was almost embarassing to me! Well, not almost. It was! And there was always a good reason why we were late. But somehow, knowing there was a good reason didn’t bring comfort to the embarassment I felt inside.

So yesterday I spent the day consciously being 5 minutes early for every step of my day. It was so much more peaceful. I could take in the air and notice the world around me. I had a moment to sit and just be before my doctor’s appointment. I wasn’t cursing traffic. I was enjoying the music on the radio knowing that I’d arrive at places with plenty of time to park, stroll and breathe.

Best of all, I was present for the little signs and synchronicities that I absolutely love noticing. We can’t notice the wisdom of the Universe when we’re dashing from place to place feeling like we’re always a step behind. The train goes rushing by without us.

I thought about why it is that I’m perpetually late. I’m trying to do just one more thing, of too many things. It boils down to not trusting. It’s almost like if I don’t do this now, I don’t trust this opportunity to appear again. I’ll miss out. I don’t trust that if I do less, I’ll actually accomplish more! And in this whole process my mind tries to negotiate with time.

Simplicity speaks to me in this moment. Today, I’m going to again live from a place a simple spaciousness in my schedule. It just feels right!