Life’s Collage
As I’ve taken time in the last few days to really FEEL my life, I’ve become so aware of all the pieces and moving parts. It’s incredible actually all that I engage my mind and heart in. When my energy is up, it is riveting. The collage is beautiful and rich with passion. When my energy is being called back into my body to rebalance (as it has been lately…), all of this is mind-boggling. WOW Paula, you’ve got a lot going on. This quote stopped me in my tracks the other day.
The divided life is a wounded life, and the soul keeps calling us to heal the wound. Ignore that call, and we find ourselves trying to numb our pain with an anesthetic of choice, be it substance abuse, overwork, consumerism, or mindless media noise. - Parker J. Palmer
I notice in my life how there’s this deep call to simplify and unify. And yet, the kid in me says, “whatever… I don’t need to listen to you…” I say ‘kid’ because it feels like this parent-child tug-of-war going on inside. I can’t even quite explain it. I feel like ever since I was young, I was responsible and dependable, always doing what I was told to do. Then as our parents battled health concerns, my sisters and I stepped in as parents. The roles reversed. We had to grow up pretty fast and make ‘mature decisions’.
Here am I in my mid-thirties, and I want to be F-R-E-E. I’m not sure what that means, but I feel like I want less responsibility and less commitments. I even had a day-dream the other day about taking a more mindless job, and not because I’m lazy. My physiotherapist, who is also a brilliant artist, said, “Paula, you are in autumn in your life right now. You’ve just birthed and celebrated an amazing concert and are being called to savour.”
Hmmm… savour…
I’m really not sure whether any of this makes sense to you, or if you can relate. One thing I know for sure is that it’s very interesting times living as ME these days!